Logging off: How to combat too much screentime with kids | Psychology

My son is almost 12, and the struggle of screentime is all too real. He plays hockey three to four times a week and loves to read and cook, but he also loves video games and YouTube. He socializes with his friends after school through screens. I often feel riddled with guilt when he spends time on a screen, but I, too, like my screentime. It’s constantly on my mind and discussed.

Lisa Brookman is the co-director and a psychotherapist at the West Island Therapy and Wellness Centre, and she said Canadians spend an average of six hours and 15 minutes a day on a device. “The number is staggering and a real eye-opener. I don’t think parents realize what is actually happening for themselves and their kids.” This has resulted in a slew of negative consequences to children’s development. “We’re seeing children neglecting responsibilities and having issues with socialization. Kids use their phones as a form of socializing but we’re also seeing the opposite where their ability to express themselves effectively is really impacted quite dramatically.”

Kids today are experiencing higher levels of anxiety when they don’t have their device, and many will say they feel overwhelmed when they’re not connected to a screen, which Brookman said further proves the addictive quality of this behavior.

So how do we cut down on all that time our kids are spending on screens? Brookman explained that there isn’t a magic recipe, and that it all begins with us parents evaluating our own screentime practices. “You need to lead by example as the parent,” she said. “If we show our children healthy patterns and the way we cope with different things, and we put the phone away, it’s really the number one way of teaching our children really good habits.”

For example, mute the notifications on your phone so you’re not being alerted every second of the day. Avoid bringing phones to the dinner table and have a cutoff time for devices at night. You also need an alternative plan. For some kids, it’s about joining a team sport or activity, or it could be hanging out with kids in person. “You want to have things they can do that helps them socialize and connect and feel grounded: a group activity, playdate, journaling, art, or even meditation,” Brookman said. “It’s really about balance. I coach a lot of parents on how to integrate that balance into their busy lives.”

A good way to help your children understand the dangers of too much screentime is to discuss it as a family. “We need to help our kids understand the impact of being on a screen, have a set of rules, and then have consequences when these rules aren’t respected,” Brookman explained. “When I noticed my kids were using their phones too much, I spoke to them about it and helped them understand the impact. We want them to be motivated not because they’re afraid of what we say but because it feels right to them. We have to teach them why screentime can be a bad thing, and it will motivate them to make good decisions.”